A New Kind of Resolution
Popham Beach
This post was originally published January 4, 2024.
The new year is always a time for reflection and resolutions. In truth, this time of year is always difficult for me. I find that I’m often hard on myself, and sometimes revising my previous year’s resolutions only encourages that. A few years ago, I ditched the year-long to-do list for something simpler. I can’t remember where I got the idea, but instead of creating a bunch of objectives for myself, I set my focus on one word. I want to explore that word over the year, learn what it means to me, and how it manifests in my life. Last year, my word was resilience.
At the start of 2023, I was taking off the COVID mask and slowly stepping outside of my home again after three years of what felt like stagnation in my mind, body, and soul. I knew there was a long road of healing in front of me, but I committed myself to taking it, and with that, I wanted to arm myself with the resilience to see it through.
I had no idea that my resilience would manifest the way that it did.
In February, I quit my job. Unlike the last time, the decision was very sudden. One thing I learned about resilience this year was I don’t need to force myself to stick through difficult circumstances if I don’t see the opportunity for better ones.
Anyone who’s followed this blog for any period of time knows that I am first and foremost a writer, but throughout COVID, I didn’t feel like a writer at all. I lost my motivation and with it my identity. It took some time to find it again, and when I did, I learned what a better opportunity could feel like.
Resilience is flexibility.
I planned to devote my full time to building my writing career a few years from now, but 2023 demanded that I accelerate my plans. I called my financial advisor, and I sat down with my novel, seeing the finish line ahead of me for the first time.
I built my website, started this blog again, finished the first and second draft of my book, and met with so many incredible people in the writing industry this year.
Resilience is persistence.
My bank account total ticked ever-downwards, but my soul was feeling whole again, and it kept telling me to keep going. I’m busier than I’ve ever been—so much so that my friends and family have had to tell me to take a break. I’m getting better at it, trying to find ways to balance my well-being with all my aspirations.
But it’s already shown improvement. I got better health insurance, which enabled me to get better treatment for my chronic pain, and finally some answers for what’s causing it. Hypermobility. My joints move around easier than most people’s, and they like to slide onto nerves or tell certain muscles that they don’t have to work as hard as they should. I’ll share more about my health journey another time, but the main takeaway is that relief is going to come from a lifetime of specific physical therapy exercises. I’m doing them though, and for the first time in years, I can fall asleep on my right side.
Resilience is hope.
Self-doubt has come knocking on my door more than once this past year, but as one friend eloquently put it, looking out the door isn’t the same as exiting. I’ve acknowledged my self-doubt repeatedly, but I haven’t let it stop me. There are so many things left for me to do, and the work will never be done, but despite the self-doubt, I’ve felt more at peace with my life than I ever did before.
When I lay on my deathbed, I wonder what will make me feel content with the life that I’ve lived. It will be a life lived creatively, sharing my writing, and knowing that I’ve made a loving commitment to myself and the people around me. I think those goals are simpler than anything I thought I wanted before 2023, and they truly feel attainable.
How I’ll attain them is still up in the air, but my resilience will help me get there.
For all the changing of plans, the blind faith that keeps me writing, and the slow, painful progression towards something I hope is healing, I’ve built a tremendous amount of resilience. Throughout the year, I’ve also learned that resilience is made easier with the support of people around me, which leads me to 2024’s word.
Community. This year, I’d like to explore what community means to me, who is a part of my community, and how I engage with it. I’ve started to crawl out of my COVID-induced social anxiety, and now I’d like to see what life looks like when I’m surrounded by people worth living it with.